The Best Lines Come After You've Walked Away

"Amber, is that you?"

After being up for 13 hours working two separate jobs (I got called into the dentist's last minute), I was exhausted, and all I wanted to do was take my frozen pizza and go home.

It was the pastor from the church I grew up in. I groaned mentally.

This is the man who can preach all that freaky sensational hellfire and brimstone shit with the Pentecostal best of them, the man who sternly admonished his entire flock to be baptised in "the holy ghost", and who once said with a completely straight face from the pulpit, "Turn or burn". Creepy as hell.

He was friendly; he just hopped over a few asiles to say hello and see what I was up to. I was, of course, very polite, and laughed about what I could have said to him on my way to the car.

"Oh, I'm taking this frozen pizza home to my boyfriend, who I live in sin with, and who does not believe that Jesus is the son of God. I'm going to wash it down with a beer and then fuck him under posters that advertise rock music. Nice to see you!"

I need a new town.