Did the Dog Poop Today?

I'm going to be the sort of mother that talks about poop. I apologize in advance.

I hate hearing "consistency stories" from mothers. I don't give a shit about your kid's shit, and it's REALLY hard to pretend that I do. Let me know what his first word is, and I'll be tickled more than most, but all I want to know about his diaper is that it's clean while I'm holding him.

However, I can tell you all about the last time the dog pooped, and not only that, but the past four times, too. I worry about it when he goes too long without "making brownies". When Rob comes in from walking him, I make sure to ask about it. When I'm walking with him, I take a peek when he's done, just to make sure it looks healthy. I'm obsessed with dog poop (well, Mattie's poop... I don't go peering at the piles of strange canines).

Certain people will stay up all night pondering the nature of our existance (Matthew) and using quantum physics to back themselves up; I fret about poop. I can only imagine it will get worse when I have a kid.