It's Not Fair

I went to my parents house Monday feeling ill and seeking food. My mom presented me with a frozen Indian dish, I said "sure!", and she read the instructions out loud.

"Step one, carefully poke holes in the top of the film three to four times..."

"Whatever, mom."

I grabbed a HUGE knife out of the drawer and proceeded to slash the entire top in one huge swoop. I got the Mom Look that said "Amber Lynn!", but I didn't care. I was so sick, and this week I have lost all patience. It's either the heat or my increasingly stressful job.

Anyway, so I make the chicken tandori while my mom's upstairs, and as I'm waiting for the microwave to finish (and tapping my foot), I'm listening to what my brother is watching on TV. It's a comedian who was discussing: anal sex, oral sex, "ass play" feeling women up, and, I SWEAR to you, "dressing up like Hitler while a nun throws jello at your balls".

"Ah man," I thought. "When mom comes down and hears what he's watching, he's going to be in so much trouble!" She came down the stairs, and I was waiting for the woman who WOULDN'T LET ME WATCH TV AT ALL WHEN I WAS SEVENTEEN to yell at Gus for his naughty program.

Didn't happen.

Instead, she comes into the kitchen where I'm mixing the tandori, and as I turn to look at her, I dropped, ONE TINY PIECE of chicken on the floor. (Please note that I also had 1. a paper towel in my hand to clean it up and 2. Beanie at my feet who scrambled to the dropped food the nanosecond it hit the floor)

"I just CLEANED the ENTIRE KITCHEN, AMBER!" She yelled at me.

"Woah! No, no, no! You're not supposed to yell at ME! You're supposed to yell at Gus! Man! Damn!"

I was so disappointed! I'm pretty sure anyone with siblings can relate: you do something small, your brother does something big, and you know that your small indiscretion is fine... you're not going to get in trouble when mom finds out because she has a bigger fish to fry (or ass to whoop).

"Oh, I don't care! They're bleeping out all the dirty words anyway and there's nothing he doesn't know about," (Meanwhile, from the living room: "So when a woman is going down on you...") "but I JUST CLEANED THE KITCHEN!"

"No! You were supposed to come down and yell at him! HIM! Not me! I get to slip under the radar... he's doing something REALLY naughty! It's all wrong! You have it backwards!"

She laughed. "Amber Lynn, you ARE too funny. Now clean up the chicken!"

Can you believe it? There is no justice. (There are only funny blog stories involving my mother).