Bombs In Boobs

Like I said, I'm flying soon, and I'm concerned because the FAA has banned all "liquids, gels, lotions and other items of similar consistency" from the aircraft's main cabin. This is due to a terror plot British authorities reported uncovering: some bad guys were planning to blow up airliners with liquid explosives mixed together on board from seemingly innocuous items. I don't know how that works, but I know what it means for me: no lip gloss for the entire flight. Grrr!

The ban is lifted for small amounts of prescription medication and baby formula, and also "up to 4 oz. of essential, non-prescription liquid medication, including saline solution, eye care products and KY jelly."


I can't moisturize on the plane, but I can lube up? What, exactly, are you promoting you dirty, dirty FAA? (And since when is it "essential"?)

I am not a member of the mile-high club (come to think of it, I haven't flown since I lost my virginity), but it's good to know that if I want to join, I can do so without performance anxiety.

Rob...? *wink, wink!*

Just kidding; I'll be sitting in my seat the entire time, gripping the arm rests to keep the plane in the air. I can do that, too; I have the ability. Please don't tell me I can't.

Anyway, the FAA also makes allowances for "gel-filled seat cushions" and "gel-filled bras". Now I know they're being dirty. You can only find gel-filled bras, as far as I know, at Fredrick's of Hollywood.

Over lunch today, I mentioned to Rob how I thought this was bullshit that they're allowing them. My reasoning was that you can put one explosive liquid in one cup, and another in the other, then slam your boobs together and BANG! there goes the airplane. (I hope I'm not giving any well-endowed female terrorists any ideas). I demonstrated by smushing my own boobs together a few times, and the lady behind him in the restaurant shot me a dirty look. Good for her! I frown on terror, too.

I despise living in a world where pudding is viewed as a potential weapon. There's not much I can do about it, though, so I'm going to just keep my fingers crossed (and those arm rests gripped tight) and hope for the best.

Oh yeah, and I'm going to keep an eye out for any suspicious, big-boobed women, too.